Tuesday, June 7, 2011

An Overwhelming Feeling.....

of Pure Love.
I didn't think it was possible to be so happy or to be so in love with two tiny beings that spend most of their time sleeping, crying, or eating. But it is. Even in the midst of the worst squalls, I could just melt every time I look at them. Watching David hold them makes my eyes tear up. I know so much of it is the post partum hormones, but I don't mind. We made these babies! I grew them! And my breastmilk is keeping them alive! I. Am. Superhero.

The breastfeeding is a challenge, but it is rewarding to see two sets of eyes looking up at me and enjoying their meals. We started tandem nursing on Saturday, and it definitely saves a lot of time. It's tough to concentrate on keeping both awake and eating, but we're all getting better. They're taking less and less bottled expressed milk after each feeding, and their diaper output is great, so I know they're getting enough. We're using bottled breastmilk at night and I'm pumping because it goes a lot faster and it gives me a bit of a break while David or my MIL feed them.

Another overwhelming feeling--protectiveness. My poor little girl has had to go to Children's Hospital twice now for blood tests for her jaundice, and I am THRILLED to report that it is gone as of Sunday. She had to spend Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday as a glow worm:The home phototherapy blanket was fantastic though--I'm so glad we had that available rather than having to have her readmitted to the hospital. I know she would have pooped out all the bad bilirubin cells eventually with enough feeding, but I'm glad we could speed it along.

Also overwhelming: my desire to just memorize every last bit of them. Our camera is getting a workout.
I've hired a professional photographer to come to the house on Saturday to do newborn pictures, and then she'll come again at 6 months and a year. I'm really looking forward to working with her. I hope the babies will be cooperative!!

David likes playing with the babies:
Ingrid is going to be very smart, I know.

What a difference two pounds makes. Ingrid feels solid and it's not scary to hold her or dress her. My Theo still feels like a baby bird....I know he's strong and a fighter, but it's easy to feel like you're going to hurt him when dressing or changing him. He's eating a lot and making a lot of dirty diapers, so I'm hopeful that his weight gain will be really good at the two week appointment.

Which brings us to the last overwhelming feeling: worry. I come from a long line of worriers on my mom's side. I always used to tease my mom that she would lay awake at night going through her daily worries--10 minutes on me, 5 minutes on the dog, 5 minutes on my dad, 5 minutes on world peace, 5 minutes on thinking of other things to worry about that she hadn't already worried about, etc. I now get to worry that they're not eating enough, not eating often enough, that they'll reject the breast, that they'll get dependent on bottles (yes, contradictory, I know), that David won't bond with them, that they'll prefer David to me, that our visitors will be annoyed at not getting enough sleep no matter how much they say they expect not to sleep, what I'll do when I'm alone with David at work, and the big one--how am I going to leave these little angels when I go back to work in (hopefully) December???


  1. I understand it all! I'm VERY impressed that you're able to tandem feed already. Teagan is latching like a champ but Quinn hasn't quite mastered breastfeeding. I'm really struggling to balance the feeding and always making sure I've got enough milk pumped. In the last 48 hours their appetites grew exponentially!
    I've been writing my birth story for 3 days now! I miss blogging so I'll be getting back into it soon :)
    Sounds like you guys are doing great with your twins! Congrats!!

  2. Theo needs a shield for a good latch, but I'm not worried--his mouth is just too little to get it right at this point. Have you tried the Supplemental Nursing System for Quinn? It's kind of a pain, but it may help her associate food with the breast...
    I know, I've been working on birth story stuff for ages. One of these days....

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  4. I was considering trying a shield with Quinn too. I've been getting a ton of help from our midwives. We've gone to a breastfeeding clinic and are actually going to another one. I think Quinn's mouth is too small as well. Is the Supplemental Nursing System, finger/tube feeding? In the last day, I have actually been able to get her to latch but she doesn't drink well. She usually falls asleep after 10 minutes or so and doesn't suck consistently. We need to put some weight on her but she doesn't have a ton of interest in eating most of the time :(